Order, order!!

I am becoming a bit bogged down with my 'routine' of dieting. Previously as a dieter, I have planned menus, made graphs to plot progress, organised shopping lists and generally relied on my 'order' to motivate me.

As expected, I have done exactly the same this time round, menus, lists etc but realised this morning that who the hell needs 5 different graphs to diet?? Madness...

I know that planning and recording what I eat is a PRIORITY. I also know that all the other behaviours I have when approaching a diet can be unhealthy this is why I started this journey at 21 stone and 5 whole pounds!! Order does not = thin. So, my epiphany may be obvious to some but I have to get my head round my own responsibility to losing weight and not skirt arounf the problem by drawing yet another graph! Afterall, it's my mouth I have shoved food into for so long now.

Phew! OK, rant over...

It's Monday and the end of 3 weeks dieting so here is my weekly update...

Start weight - 21 stone 5 pounds

Week one - 20 stone 11 pounds - 8 pounds loss
Week two - 20 stone 7 pounds - 12 pounds loss
Week three - 20 stone 1 pound - 18 pounds loss

18 pounds in 3 weeks is super progress but ultimately unsustainable so I am reviewing my calorie intake and ajusting it to ensure that I hit a minimum of 1000 calories a day otherwise, I may go into 'starvation mode'!

I also know that while my weight loss may slow down sonewhat, losing 8-10 pounds per month will mean that I hit my first goal of 18 stone by summer time (or before maybe???) Here are my goals and the reasons for them...

1. 18 stone - this is the weight I was when I met my second husband and although heavy, I did look much better because I am tall, I could just about get by at 18 stone confidence wise.

2. 16 stone - I have not been 16 stone since I was 20 years old - before the children and after the age of 20, I just piled it on and remained at 20 stone for many years. The extra stone and a half I have to lose came with my last baby just 4 months ago so I am now at my pre baby weight of 20 stone and 1 pound!! Wow!!

3. 12 stone - I was 12 stone at the end of school...'nuff said xx

One stone lost today!!

Day 11 of diet started pre operatively, and I am down 1 whole stone! The weight loss has slowed down but i'm pretty chuffed as I thought I would be crap at dieting before my first fill - and believe me, you have to diet AND feel hungry but so far, going well. I am being a bit informal about my liquid diet and mostly eating sloppy food now to be honest as I was soooo hungry. for example, today my intake has been...

3 sloppy scrambled eggs - 240 cals
1 sloppy weetabix - 90 cals
1 low fat custard with mashed rhubarb (lovely!) - 280 cals
1 ocean pie (split into 2 servings over the day) - 260 cals

Total cals - 870

Feels like more and I am happy and full!! I will try and up my cals intake because I do not want them to drop so low, my body starts fighting back! So have ordered protein shake (isolate as does not contain lactulose etc) and will bounce up intake with that.

Helen x

Weight not 'falling off' as expected in fantasy world (!) I tend to live in... But, it is going in the right direction and I may rethink my weighing daily policy as it is so strange to not lose any weight for 4 days then maybe lose 2lb then maybe put a pound back on etc... takes a lot of getting your head round!

I am having my first fill on June 2nd and really looking forward to it as it can only improve my 'hungry belly' which continues to growl and crave chocolate cake! But, resolve still good and new sloppy weetabix for breakfast helps hugely to keep growly belly at bay.

I go back to work in a week and a half after 4 months off on maternity leave. I have that dread now, knowing i have a lot of catching up to do and work will hit me like a tidal wave but looking forward to having more of a routine to my day.

We have also bought a manual treadmill (bloody hard work!) and dug out my old trampette (never used!) and made a 'mini gym' in our tiny conservatory. I began my walking plan yesterday completing a 15 min walk with the middle 5 min at fast pace followed by 15 min on the trampette...nearly killed me!

Helen x

Better mood today!!

Still hungry but coping much better... I spoke to my bariatric nurse who basically said that many who have the band fitted do not feel hungry due to inflamation, band restriction without fill etc but some are starving!! (Me!)

She recommended that I up my protein intake although difficult on a liquid diet but will add protein powder to slimfasts, and also, I can begin with runny weetabix, runny scrambled eggs etc.

This seems to be working quite well and has taken the edge off but I have realised that the daily battle starts here! If I am to lose weight long term then I battle everyday. Period. Somedays I will win and somedays I will lose but battle I must... (visualise me in suit of amour!)

Anyway... weekly weight update afterall, it's Monday!!

Start weight - 21 stone and 5 pounds

Week one (op day) - 20 stone and 11 pounds (8lb loss)
Week two - 20 stone and 7 pounds ( 4lb loss)

Total loss so far = 12lb
Pounds to go = 123lb

I am STARVING!!!

Well, that honeymoon wore off quick didn't it!

I am sooooo hungry and pissed off that I am hungry. No, it's not 'head hunger' and my stomach is gurrgling. i have emailed the nurse to find out what the hell is going on because I know from past experience, the one thing that makes me fail is HUNGER that's why I found £7000 to have this band put in!!

Yes, I am also in a very bad mood, pissed off and hungry......

Why did I put on weight???

I have been weighing myself daily contraversial I know! But, I want to understand my body and what the hell goes on with it and I believe that weighing daily is important. Let's take today as an example... I put on 2lb! Virtually impossible one would have thought considering my current diet but nevertheless 2lb I put on. This is my weight loss thus far...

Day 1. 21 stone and 5 pounds (start weight)
Day 2. 21 stone and 2 pounds (3lb loss overall)
Day 3. 20 stone and 13 pounds (6lb loss overall)
Day 4. 20 stone and 12 pounds ( 7lb loss overall)
Day 5. 20 stone and 10 pounds ( 9lb loss overall)
Day 6. 20 stone and 10 pounds (9lb loss overall)
Day 7. 20 stone and 10 pounds (9lb loss overall)
Day 8. 20 stone and 11 pounds (8lb loss overall)
Day 9. Not weighed as op day
Day 10. 20 stone and 8lb (11lb loss overall)
Day 11. 20 stone and 8lb (11lb loss overall)
Day 12. 20 stone and 10lb (9lb loss overall)

So, did I panic? No! I am begining to understand weight loss as 'ebb and flow' and even though daily weight will show fluctuation, weekly weight should be more stable in terms of loss. The first week, I lost 8lb and this week, I expect to lose about 5lb due to 'slow down' and increase in calories after op compared to pre op diet of 850 cals per day. We shall see!

WIND!
I can't burp so it seems my bum is making up for that. All day, I have been feeling windy, been farting or have just farted thus feeling windy again... great...

On a personal note, diet easy today as we had more important things to think about with the toilet deciding to spring a leak along the waste pipe so my poor hubby had to wrestle with the damn thing and replace said pipe to fix problem.

I love the fact that he can fix things!

So, today I had...
1. Vanilla slimfast
2. Chocolate slimfast
3. 1/2 tin of low fat soup
4. Jelly
5. Chocolate slimfast
6. Yogurt and banana shake

Tomorrow I imagine will be much the same....
Helen x

Feel well today just 2 days post op. A bit sore on my tummy but painkillers sort that out although they make me a bit woosy!

Let's talk diet... Liquid diet is dull but effective. Pre op, I had 850 cals per day using slimfast and fruit. I lost 9lb before the op this way but it was the most difficult diet I have ever followed. I was painfully hungry and had i not paid huge amounts of money for my impending op, no doubt, I would have failed by day 2!

Now I have lost a total of 11lb in 10 days so pleased with that! The liquid diet I have to follow for three weeks is ok. I am not that hungry so far and managing fine on slimfast, home made yoghurt, milk and fruit smoothies and posh jelly which I found by accident! Watermelon and apple flavour and passion fruit and mango flavour. And only 10 cals each!! I am trying to eat a min of 1000cals per day and max of 1200 so I know my weight loss will slow down. I expect about 4-5 pounds this week but will watch this space!

I have also bought some baxters low cal chicken and veg soups to whizz up so I can get something hot inside me (no euphamism intended there!)

Helen x

Gastric Band Recovery! Tuesday 20th April 2010

Had my surgery last night at about 7.40pm. I was well looked after at Parkway in Solihull and the staff, room etc was great. My husband and baby daughter left for the long drive home at about 6pm and I was left to await visits from the surgeon (Mr Super), the anesthetist and Claire the bariatric nurse.

All was well and so off I went down to theatre, shitting myself and praying to all the gods to help me stay alive! After having a vent put in my hand which scratched a bit but not too bad, I walked into theatre where everyone was friendly and I hopped on (well, I say hopped but as much as a 21 stone woman can hop!!!) the table. The last thing I recall was a smelly mask going over my face and the voice of the anaesthetist telling me I would be asleep in 20 seconds...

I woke up and my first thought was "OMG! my throat hurts!" I tried coughing and took off the oxygen mask to do so. My nurse was busy doing lord knows what but when I was compus mentus enough, I had weird sqeezy leg things on but no drip or anything. In fact, I felt pretty good considering. I did have some discomfort in my 'top' belly like a pulled muscle and my left shoulder hurt caused by excess gas apparently but apart from that, bloody well!

I spend a comfortable night sleeping when I could but also going to the loo and taking the opportunity to walk around for a bit when I did.

I went home the following day at 11am after having a shower and I was soooo happy to see my hubby and my darling baby girl.... I think they had missed me!!

So, here we go... let the battle commence.

Consultation today...

Hey y'all,
My name is Helen and I am a fatty...self confessed choc monster and chinese fanatic, often at the same time.

Today I had my consultation for a band with Healthier Weight. After months of research, decided that this was the best option for me although not the cheapest. Anyways...booked in for Monday 19th April 2010 in Birmingham.

OK, why? You may ask... well, I am 40, female, fat, 20 stone and 13 pounds to be exact and have decided to start living my life rather than be a passenger on the ship of others... sorry, hyperbole makes me vom!

I hope this blog helps me through the bad times and reminds me of why I am doing this...will follow soon...but also to record my feelings which I need to address big time if I am to succeed.

Reasons to lose weight:
1. Better sex!
2. More better sex...
3. Better clothes.
4. Look 'normal'
5. Get a life which does not revolve around eating
6. Career move (yes, I do believe that my size has affected my career choices)
7. Fitter, healthier and medication free
8. Holidays in the sun without me looking like I should be in Shameless
9. Oh, did I mention better sex?
10. Dancing, disco, get those groves going girlfriend!

Monday is day one so here goes nothing...

Helen x